Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
