This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
