I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I have fence marks all over my body
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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