ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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