reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
