Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
