Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
