so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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