i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
