i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
a search helicopter?!
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
i think my cat just said my name.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
