I wannas sexs uuuuu
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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