And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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