i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
