im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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