I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
