Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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