from now on my penis is your penis
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
