Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
