yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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