I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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