you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
