i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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