I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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