Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
