If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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