I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
