I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
