I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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