I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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