Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
