Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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