I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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