I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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