The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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