Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
