just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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