If i come over, it means nothing
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
