her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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