I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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