I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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