This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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