I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
