So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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