Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
