im about as happy as oj after his trial
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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