I smell stomach acid.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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