...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
