and you said cock pushups were impossible
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
