He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
