I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
then he tried to convert me to islam
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
